So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
