SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
