Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
