in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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