just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
