OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
