You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
