I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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