lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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