I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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