All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
