I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
