Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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