no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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