Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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