Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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