My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
