24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just had sex on a roof
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
