Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
