just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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