You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
