...so i touched it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
