It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
