they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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