Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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