nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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