let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
