one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
