I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
