My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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