How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
