as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
