Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
is that a dick in a sweater?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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