I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We have started to decorate penises.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
