bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
