i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
