im drinking this country out of the recession.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
