I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
