My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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