Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
