I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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