Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
