In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
