is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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