Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
