google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
