god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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