Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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