then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is the high leading the old right now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
