So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
