you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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