that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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