Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
